Noah's Flood: Worldwide Genocide ... from the God of Love
Nonfiction, Religion & Spirituality, Other Practices, Atheism, Christianity, General Christianity
| Author: | Stuart Lorde | ISBN: | 9781310696565 |
| Publisher: | Stuart Lorde | Publication: | June 16, 2014 |
| Imprint: | Smashwords Edition | Language: | English |
| Author: | Stuart Lorde |
| ISBN: | 9781310696565 |
| Publisher: | Stuart Lorde |
| Publication: | June 16, 2014 |
| Imprint: | Smashwords Edition |
| Language: | English |
A seriously humorous review for the intellectually curious ... and in style and exclusive content, quite unlike ANYTHING written before. A unique experience. Features the Reformation Hypothesis; the Circles of Time; the Bastard Kings of Israel, and numerous other fiendishly original thoughts.
Revelation 3 is where Satan, Hitch and Snikwad plunge into the Great Flood mythologies and discover that this planet we call home has been flooded more times by more versions of God than you can poke a crooked crosier at. Human sin (of course) was to blame.
The Diabolical Trio discover that back when our biblical Earth was still flat, we lived in a reverse goldfish bowl with the water on the outside. Heaven was just a few angelic wing-beats away, and giant Nephilim roamed free, and the Sons of God were led unto temptation and fornication by human females … and they made heroic biblical super-babies together. Everyone in Jewish and non-Jewish cultures from all four corners of the world only ever thought evil thoughts: which offended the jealous new Jewish deity Yahweh and his predecessors the Elohim so much, they pulled the plug and opened the windows and filled the biblical bowl with four and a half kilometres of biblical water … during the historical Sixth Dynasty of Egypt.
The boys from the Sacred Grotto also find that second-generation biblical Homo sapiens skipped the whole bothersome business of evolving through Palaeolithic hunter-gatherer society, and went straight for pastoralism, horticulture and the world’s very first fratricidal murder in My Brother’s Keeper. The tales of Mother No-Ah’s Ark and Father Noah’s Hangover give them special insights into why rainbows appear in the sky; blood transfusions are maybe a bad idea; capital punishment is officially ordained by Yahweh (but perhaps not Jesus); humans could once again live to be nearly 1,000 if they keep their sinning to an acceptable minimum; dinosaurs, birds, polar bears and people co-existed on the mythological Ark for over a year, and the practice of good, God-fearing Christians keeping black people as slaves was once a biblically correct thing to do.
A seriously humorous review for the intellectually curious ... and in style and exclusive content, quite unlike ANYTHING written before. A unique experience. Features the Reformation Hypothesis; the Circles of Time; the Bastard Kings of Israel, and numerous other fiendishly original thoughts.
Revelation 3 is where Satan, Hitch and Snikwad plunge into the Great Flood mythologies and discover that this planet we call home has been flooded more times by more versions of God than you can poke a crooked crosier at. Human sin (of course) was to blame.
The Diabolical Trio discover that back when our biblical Earth was still flat, we lived in a reverse goldfish bowl with the water on the outside. Heaven was just a few angelic wing-beats away, and giant Nephilim roamed free, and the Sons of God were led unto temptation and fornication by human females … and they made heroic biblical super-babies together. Everyone in Jewish and non-Jewish cultures from all four corners of the world only ever thought evil thoughts: which offended the jealous new Jewish deity Yahweh and his predecessors the Elohim so much, they pulled the plug and opened the windows and filled the biblical bowl with four and a half kilometres of biblical water … during the historical Sixth Dynasty of Egypt.
The boys from the Sacred Grotto also find that second-generation biblical Homo sapiens skipped the whole bothersome business of evolving through Palaeolithic hunter-gatherer society, and went straight for pastoralism, horticulture and the world’s very first fratricidal murder in My Brother’s Keeper. The tales of Mother No-Ah’s Ark and Father Noah’s Hangover give them special insights into why rainbows appear in the sky; blood transfusions are maybe a bad idea; capital punishment is officially ordained by Yahweh (but perhaps not Jesus); humans could once again live to be nearly 1,000 if they keep their sinning to an acceptable minimum; dinosaurs, birds, polar bears and people co-existed on the mythological Ark for over a year, and the practice of good, God-fearing Christians keeping black people as slaves was once a biblically correct thing to do.
